R E S P E C T

Recently I had a conversation with a very good friend of mine about achievement, motive, and growth. It is hard to put into words after you have been in similar shoes.

Being from a small town it was easy to look ahead in life and think, “I want to do this.” With that mindset things quickly become “your God”. One of the toughest mental blocks to overcome currently is allowing myself to sit and be present. To do, nothing.

In the past, constant forward pressure was a must if I wanted to make myself anything more than the situation I was in. Outsiders would look and pass judgement as they would sit on their thrones of financial freedom, stable households, and healthy upbringing. I would make a fool of myself, try new things, fail at most, and It would make me mad that they would never understand the fucking hunger to not become exactly what they thought I would be:

A poor kid that gets into trouble with no future ahead. A parasitic destiny.

With all of the anger, it seems I went from “that kid” to being in the same room as “the gods” they would watch on tv playing sports. Little do they know the kid that was so troubled and doomed had a part to play in what they would enjoy from… their couches. There is nothing more I wanted to do than name drop, brag, and rub it in their face. That was until I met someone that allowed their ego to do just that. Turns out insecurity is ugly and if there is one thing I want less than being a failure… being an ugly-failure is at the top of the list.

They will never know the struggles of family suicides, homelessness, debt, and grind. They will only know what they think they know. God damn that hustle.

However, I’ve never listened better and loved more now that I have higher mileage. The rooms I stand in are filled with the most wise and interesting folks on this earth and I finally understand something. All of the physical feats, professional achievements, and success so far have felt empty because I grew up solely focused on extrinsic value.

However; it would have all made so much more sense knowing that the one who respected myself the least…

was myself, my lame paw.